Effective communication includes choosing the right words to
convey our message with the appropriate tone and body language. In many
situations, what could easily be diffused becomes inflamed because our
communication message is misinterpreted (our receiver's perception of
the message differs from our intent). This article provides
communication strategies to enhance effectiveness in conflict
situations.
There are three components to the communication message cycle - transmit; receive; respond. When dealing with conflict, we want to use an assertive responsive approach to ensure effectiveness at each step of the cycle. Consider the following example of a conflict.
"I hear you have been gossiping behind my back and I want you to stop!" The receiver is likely to receive your message interpreting a more aggressive tone feeling defensive due to "you" statements and a lack of opportunity provided to share his viewpoint. He could choose to respond to your statement however the response may be equally aggressive. Alternatively, based on his communication style he may shut down. This stops completion of the cycle and may lead to hurt feelings and misinterpretations - both of which contribute to decreasing interpersonal and team morale.
A more effective statement uses the assertive-responsive approach. "I understand that you may have been saying things about me to others. If there is something I am doing that you don't appreciate, I would like us to deal with it together. I am interested in hearing your point of view and finding workable solutions."
In using a statement such as this you have incorporate assertive-responsive communication in the following ways:
Assertive Communication Strategies
Identifying the situation from your point of view in a way the other can understand, without leading to feelings of defensiveness, blame or attack.
Expressing your feelings.
Defining behaviour change you would like to see in the other person.
Responsive Communication Strategies
Seeking information from the other point of view, including facts and feelings.
Opening the opportunity to seek areas of change in your behaviour to increase effectiveness and/or change results.
By using assertive-responsive communication (words) with open body language and a positive tone you transmit your message (step one in the communication cycle) in a manner, which enables the receiver to actually receive the message as you intended (step two in the communication cycle). A two-way dialogue with perception checks and questions (step three in the communication cycle) results.
General Strategies When Dealing With Conflict
Use "I" statements in place of "you" to reduce feelings of defensiveness or blame by the receiver.
Explain your perception of the situation and actively invite the receiver to explain his.
Ask the receiver to identify if there is a behaviour you need to modify to support a different result and
identify to the receiver any behaviours she needs to modify to support a different result.
Deal with situations directly versus hoping they will go away.
Find a neutral place to have your conversation when possible (i.e., away from others, when both the
transmitter and receiver have a high readiness to engage in dialogue).
Establish credibility through consistent assertive behaviours (i.e., you are not aggressive in one situation and assertive in another so receivers don't know what to expect from you).
Assume others are willing to collectively find a win-win solution.
Deal with issues versus personalities.
Recognize different personalities and be willing to adapt yours to meet theirs (not everyone is skilled in sharing their feelings, you need to draw them out through questioning techniques).
Recognize not everyone is skilled in controlling their emotions; celebrate your skill in this area and avoid the temptation to allow your emotions to take over.
Demonstrate trust and respect to others and expect the same in return.
Activate empathy.
Use a skilled mediator to support if you are not able to achieve a positive result.
Conflicts are a part of our interpersonal relationships. High performing team members are skilled in assertive-responsive communication and teams use healthy conflict to energize, enable new ideas, develop skills and heighten performance.
There are three components to the communication message cycle - transmit; receive; respond. When dealing with conflict, we want to use an assertive responsive approach to ensure effectiveness at each step of the cycle. Consider the following example of a conflict.
"I hear you have been gossiping behind my back and I want you to stop!" The receiver is likely to receive your message interpreting a more aggressive tone feeling defensive due to "you" statements and a lack of opportunity provided to share his viewpoint. He could choose to respond to your statement however the response may be equally aggressive. Alternatively, based on his communication style he may shut down. This stops completion of the cycle and may lead to hurt feelings and misinterpretations - both of which contribute to decreasing interpersonal and team morale.
A more effective statement uses the assertive-responsive approach. "I understand that you may have been saying things about me to others. If there is something I am doing that you don't appreciate, I would like us to deal with it together. I am interested in hearing your point of view and finding workable solutions."
In using a statement such as this you have incorporate assertive-responsive communication in the following ways:
Assertive Communication Strategies
Identifying the situation from your point of view in a way the other can understand, without leading to feelings of defensiveness, blame or attack.
Expressing your feelings.
Defining behaviour change you would like to see in the other person.
Responsive Communication Strategies
Seeking information from the other point of view, including facts and feelings.
Opening the opportunity to seek areas of change in your behaviour to increase effectiveness and/or change results.
By using assertive-responsive communication (words) with open body language and a positive tone you transmit your message (step one in the communication cycle) in a manner, which enables the receiver to actually receive the message as you intended (step two in the communication cycle). A two-way dialogue with perception checks and questions (step three in the communication cycle) results.
General Strategies When Dealing With Conflict
Use "I" statements in place of "you" to reduce feelings of defensiveness or blame by the receiver.
Explain your perception of the situation and actively invite the receiver to explain his.
Ask the receiver to identify if there is a behaviour you need to modify to support a different result and
identify to the receiver any behaviours she needs to modify to support a different result.
Deal with situations directly versus hoping they will go away.
Find a neutral place to have your conversation when possible (i.e., away from others, when both the
transmitter and receiver have a high readiness to engage in dialogue).
Establish credibility through consistent assertive behaviours (i.e., you are not aggressive in one situation and assertive in another so receivers don't know what to expect from you).
Assume others are willing to collectively find a win-win solution.
Deal with issues versus personalities.
Recognize different personalities and be willing to adapt yours to meet theirs (not everyone is skilled in sharing their feelings, you need to draw them out through questioning techniques).
Recognize not everyone is skilled in controlling their emotions; celebrate your skill in this area and avoid the temptation to allow your emotions to take over.
Demonstrate trust and respect to others and expect the same in return.
Activate empathy.
Use a skilled mediator to support if you are not able to achieve a positive result.
Conflicts are a part of our interpersonal relationships. High performing team members are skilled in assertive-responsive communication and teams use healthy conflict to energize, enable new ideas, develop skills and heighten performance.
