In a relationship it is important to establish rules for how to
handle conflict. A conflict occurs when two people want different things
at the same time.Here are seven rules that will greatly help when trying to resolve conflict.
1. Be Fair
If you are in a committed caring relationship what matters is that you resolve differences in a way that both people are OK. If winning at any cost becomes the most important thing for one person the other one will have to be a loser. It is far better to come to an understanding that it is OK to disagree.
2. No Name Calling
Much emotional pain is caused by put downs and name calling.
3. No Third Parties
It is not fair to pull other people in to support your side. Instead input from others can be considered independently but not when the actual discussion takes place.
4. No Past History
When one person pulls in past history it is a way to put the partner down. Stick to the topic at hand. You can only do that if you stay focused in the present on the current discussion.
5. Do Not Bring Up Your Partner's Weaknesses
That amounts to what is often referred to as 'hitting below the belt' and is a way of trying to make self better. It generally results in the other person retaliating by bringing up your weaknesses.
6. Don't Go To Bed Angry
This is an age-old suggestion for building healthy relationships and still as relevant as ever. Dragging conflicts out is draining.
7. Take the Conflict Seriously But Lightly
Most disagreements are not earth shattering. Laugh at yourself but do not laugh at or make fun of your partner. When you lighten up you begin to see that the process between you is very familiar to how you have handled other disagreements. Instead concentrate on how you can present what you have to say in a new way.
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